So, sometimes when I'm bored at home (like my temporarily broke ass is right now), I like to browse the Craigslist "Missed Connections" page for some gems of entertainment. For those unaware of "Missed Connections", it's the area of Craigslist where, like in many personals classified ads, people can post messages to random people they've encountered, and yet failed to exchange contact info, in the hopes that that same random person will reply with an affirmative response for reconnecting. Though they typically describe the person by what they wore and note the time and location, often times you'll get a glimpse of how they express their sudden infatuatory emotions. Sometimes it's crude, many times it's cliché, but every once in a while you find some that are so bizarre that you can't help but pause and imagine the circumstances and reasons this person felt to publicly publish his/her emotions in such a fashion.
And so, in light of these treasures, I've decided to start a series titled "Missed Connection Section Series", showcasing some of my particular favorites. And since these are "public publications", I feel no guilt reposting for our humor and neither should you. Enjoy!
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we were at the yankees game and you bit my sleezy hotdog - m4w - 23 (yankee stadium)
Date: 2008-08-19, 4:10PM EDT
you were short. professionally unsuccessful. you had lots of gel in your squirrel twirl. and it was dyed blonde in certain areas. it looked like a raccoons tail. you had a tramp stamp of the fibonacci sequence and a neck tat of all the rubik's cube solution algorithms.
me? i was big. a big bro. not anymore, but i was then. this was 3 days ago. i dropped all my baseball nutz onto my crotchal region and i know it made you gasp with professional delight™. i KNOW it did. shutup. it did. liar.
come over. i want you to dip your hands into my fishbowl and attempt to destroy him (Vlad). Vlad will bite you, then it's time to stop. take those slimey fishbowl hands out and then fold my laundry with them. i like this. it motivates me to take better care of my garden. i have fresh arugula, basil, and jabanero peppers growing in it.
then once i cultivate my crops i will wed you on a paper mache yacht in my mom's backyard. let's make it happen, we have so much in common. if it's not working we'll take queludes and just do it anyway, cool?
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Hi Sharon, this is from Paul your Munchkin - m4w - 32 (Starrett/Long Island)
Date: 2008-08-19, 2:59PM EDT
Hi. Yeah, I still think about you sometimes. I'm surpirsed we haven't talked in so long. I was thinking about it today, yeah, I do care about you still actually..I wish I could talk to you...wondering if you've forgot about me by now, or gotten over me...so many thoughts, when I'm alone sometimes I think about you...just wishing we could meet in front of the firehouse tonight and talk and hug.
Just wishing we could take a ride down Atlantic and go to the promenade tonight..that would all be so nice.
I miss u munchkin.
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To the angelic girl with the huge, pink Hello Kitty bag! - m4w
Date: 2008-08-19, 1:01PM EDT
...
I see you at least once a week. We must live close to one another because we both get on the train at the same station. We always walk to the end and enter the last car of the train, and we both get off at the same stop. I won't say what train or what stations because, well, I want to keep you to myself...and besides, I don't want to alert potential stalkers...one (me) is enough, lol.
Actually, I rarely look at you...I don't want to be rude. I hate it when people do that to me, so I won't do it to you. If I wanted to see you, all I have to do is close my eyes. You are probably in your mid 20's. You have long blonde hair, and while I'm sure that, that is not your natural color, it's gorgeous on you. You are not too tall and not too short, and I think you work out often because you look really good...plus, you're always running up the stairs and it seems like you're doing it with ease. I run every night and even I breathe a little uneasy at the top...I can't imagine what you put yourself through at the gym!
You are very feminine, I can see that from the way you stand and walk...so classy with a hint of snob...I love it! My favorite features of yours, though, are your eyes. I don't look at them often, but I glance at them once in a while. They're beautiful...filled with emotions. They're even sad at times. They make me wonder what's happened to you to make you feel that way. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, who looks happy during rush hour on a work day, right?
I wonder what your voice sounds like. Would it be warm and sexy, or sweet and kind to reflect the personality I imagine you have? With my luck, though, you probably don't speak English and are a Man-Eater. ...
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red hair and hand and neck tattoos at beacons closet - w4m (williamsburg)
Date: 2008-08-19, 2:24PM EDT
You were selling clothes with what appeared to be your girlfriend? You have bright orange hair that is shaved like nazi youth weirdness but somehow works and looks hott. You have a god tattoo on your neck, but I get the feeling you are a satanist. If you weren't with a girl I would have asked you to fuck me. Oops, I mean I would have asked you to get a drink sometime (read: many, many drinks until I am blackout drunk and wake up tied to the bedpost hopefully and getting spanked by you). I would love to take you home with me and put eyeliner on you. Or maybe we could 68 and I'll owe you one? If it was still June I would have asked you to be my prom date (JK). My parents would be so pissed to meet you. They don't like tattoos or "ppalgang". But I do! Let's make babies! LOL ;P
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Jane says - w4w
Date: 2008-08-19, 7:42PM EDT
my apologies for getting stuck in your tuna nets.
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