The next VP

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Missed Connection Section Series: I

So, sometimes when I'm bored at home (like my temporarily broke ass is right now), I like to browse the Craigslist "Missed Connections" page for some gems of entertainment. For those unaware of "Missed Connections", it's the area of Craigslist where, like in many personals classified ads, people can post messages to random people they've encountered, and yet failed to exchange contact info, in the hopes that that same random person will reply with an affirmative response for reconnecting. Though they typically describe the person by what they wore and note the time and location, often times you'll get a glimpse of how they express their sudden infatuatory emotions. Sometimes it's crude, many times it's cliché, but every once in a while you find some that are so bizarre that you can't help but pause and imagine the circumstances and reasons this person felt to publicly publish his/her emotions in such a fashion.

And so, in light of these treasures, I've decided to start a series titled "Missed Connection Section Series", showcasing some of my particular favorites. And since these are "public publications", I feel no guilt reposting for our humor and neither should you. Enjoy!


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we were at the yankees game and you bit my sleezy hotdog - m4w - 23 (yankee stadium)
Date: 2008-08-19, 4:10PM EDT

you were short. professionally unsuccessful. you had lots of gel in your squirrel twirl. and it was dyed blonde in certain areas. it looked like a raccoons tail. you had a tramp stamp of the fibonacci sequence and a neck tat of all the rubik's cube solution algorithms.

me? i was big. a big bro. not anymore, but i was then. this was 3 days ago. i dropped all my baseball nutz onto my crotchal region and i know it made you gasp with professional delight™. i KNOW it did. shutup. it did. liar.

come over. i want you to dip your hands into my fishbowl and attempt to destroy him (Vlad). Vlad will bite you, then it's time to stop. take those slimey fishbowl hands out and then fold my laundry with them. i like this. it motivates me to take better care of my garden. i have fresh arugula, basil, and jabanero peppers growing in it.

then once i cultivate my crops i will wed you on a paper mache yacht in my mom's backyard. let's make it happen, we have so much in common. if it's not working we'll take queludes and just do it anyway, cool?

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Hi Sharon, this is from Paul your Munchkin - m4w - 32 (Starrett/Long Island)
Date: 2008-08-19, 2:59PM EDT

Hi. Yeah, I still think about you sometimes. I'm surpirsed we haven't talked in so long. I was thinking about it today, yeah, I do care about you still actually..I wish I could talk to you...wondering if you've forgot about me by now, or gotten over me...so many thoughts, when I'm alone sometimes I think about you...just wishing we could meet in front of the firehouse tonight and talk and hug.
Just wishing we could take a ride down Atlantic and go to the promenade tonight..that would all be so nice.
I miss u munchkin.

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To the angelic girl with the huge, pink Hello Kitty bag! - m4w
Date: 2008-08-19, 1:01PM EDT

...
I see you at least once a week. We must live close to one another because we both get on the train at the same station. We always walk to the end and enter the last car of the train, and we both get off at the same stop. I won't say what train or what stations because, well, I want to keep you to myself...and besides, I don't want to alert potential stalkers...one (me) is enough, lol.

Actually, I rarely look at you...I don't want to be rude. I hate it when people do that to me, so I won't do it to you. If I wanted to see you, all I have to do is close my eyes. You are probably in your mid 20's. You have long blonde hair, and while I'm sure that, that is not your natural color, it's gorgeous on you. You are not too tall and not too short, and I think you work out often because you look really good...plus, you're always running up the stairs and it seems like you're doing it with ease. I run every night and even I breathe a little uneasy at the top...I can't imagine what you put yourself through at the gym!

You are very feminine, I can see that from the way you stand and walk...so classy with a hint of snob...I love it! My favorite features of yours, though, are your eyes. I don't look at them often, but I glance at them once in a while. They're beautiful...filled with emotions. They're even sad at times. They make me wonder what's happened to you to make you feel that way. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, who looks happy during rush hour on a work day, right?

I wonder what your voice sounds like. Would it be warm and sexy, or sweet and kind to reflect the personality I imagine you have? With my luck, though, you probably don't speak English and are a Man-Eater. ...

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red hair and hand and neck tattoos at beacons closet - w4m (williamsburg)
Date: 2008-08-19, 2:24PM EDT

You were selling clothes with what appeared to be your girlfriend? You have bright orange hair that is shaved like nazi youth weirdness but somehow works and looks hott. You have a god tattoo on your neck, but I get the feeling you are a satanist. If you weren't with a girl I would have asked you to fuck me. Oops, I mean I would have asked you to get a drink sometime (read: many, many drinks until I am blackout drunk and wake up tied to the bedpost hopefully and getting spanked by you). I would love to take you home with me and put eyeliner on you. Or maybe we could 68 and I'll owe you one? If it was still June I would have asked you to be my prom date (JK). My parents would be so pissed to meet you. They don't like tattoos or "ppalgang". But I do! Let's make babies! LOL ;P

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Jane says - w4w
Date: 2008-08-19, 7:42PM EDT

my apologies for getting stuck in your tuna nets.

Fun.

Finally...

People are finally speaking out about this stupid offshore drilling crap and McCain's political senselessness.

Know-Nothing Politics
By PAUL KRUGMAN

Brilliant... and...

The Energy Drill
By GAIL COLLINS

And now for the actual government report...

Impacts of Increased Access to Oil and Natural Gas

The GOP's shit on their face...

The Tire-Gauge Solution: No Joke

and Obama's actual solution.

but alas...

Multiple Oil Company Executives Gave Huge Contributions To Electing McCain Just Days After Offshore Drilling Reversal

Blow-up church looks to lure beachgoers

Man calls 911 after Subway left sauce off sandwich

And this as well...

Man tells 911 slot machine stole his money

Hangin in Hungary

So, I've found myself in the Budapest airport with an open wireless connection (!!) and a couple hours before I board... I've got some time to write.

This last part of my trip has been quite interesting. It started on the morning of my hostel check-out in Vienna. Over a surprisingly scrumptious bowl of complementary cereal, I met a lovely Californian named Marina, with whom I accompanied along for a day trip in Bratislava, Slovakia. I wasn't originally planning on a Slovakian excursion, but from Vienna, it's quite close and fairly cheap, so we hopped on a train and headed out on our impromptu adventure. After getting only slightly and briefly lost in the post-communist wonderland that made up suburban Bratislava (My Cali-companion spoke fluent Russian - which apparently helped with a few bilingual Slovakians), we made it to the city center. Bratislava wasn't much to see though it had plenty of charm and after walking around taking pictures like the shameless tourist I am, and sweating enough to sufficiently fill a standard bathtub (that's right, you like that image. admit it... tub-o- Reid-sweat...), we sat down for a fiercely refreshing frozen fruit drink concoction. I'm very happy I had someone to go with.  It was good to have someone to talk to and I'm not sure what I would have done if I had to sit alone at that transfer train station in the middle of creepy NOWHERESVILLE, Slovakia on our way to Budapest. I certainly wouldn't have figured out how to use the restrooms or read any portion of the menus. Big thanks to Marina for the assistance and the laughs. 

So much of Slovakia seemed worn out and run down. Everything seemed so manual and archaic. Weeds took over so much of the paved areas and rust and graffiti seemed to be everywhere. At one point I suddenly became self-conscious about my photography when I realized I was taking pictures of how poor things were. To me it was poetic and beautiful, but I couldn't help but wonder what a local was thinking of me when he'd see me taking pictures of the corroded, graffiti-tagged trains.  The Slovakian demeanor felt cool and distant with fixed focus. I don't mean that in a negative connotation. They were all extremely nice (with the exception of the chick working the tourist information center...), but they have a somewhat distant way of interaction - more so than any other culture I've met so far. Bratislava had such a laid back Mediterranean feel. People strolled instead of bustled. 

Budapest was next on the itinerary. I took my time with this city. I lazily sight-saw and tried very much to relax on these last few days of travel. I went to a Hungarian thermal bath in the main park which was an amazing (and surprisingly inexpensive) experience. Everywhere I read said a trip to Budapest was not complete without paying a visit to one of their baths and I agree. They had 9 thermal baths, three of which were large outdoor ones with fountains and fun statues. I lounged the whole day there taking in the warm waters, the sauna, the café and sun. By the time I was walking out the door, my muscles felt like jello and my mind felt similar to an alcohol buzz. 

The food in Hungary is incredible. I made sure to experience the foods of the culture including stuffed cabbage, goulash and gyro pita with paprika. The best meal was the stuffed cabbage at this town square restaurant in the small town of Eger, Hungary (about 2 hr train ride from Budapest,) - stuffed with beef, lamb, rice and seasoning drenched in a cream sauce. Amazing. Egar was probably one of the most beautiful towns I've ever seen. Very clean (a sharp contrast from the very dirty Budapest) and full of Hungarian charm, it's somewhere I want to go again someday. I wish I had budgeted more time there. My day trip could've easily turned into 2 nights if I had the time. I've found that some of my favorite European experiences come from the small towns where the true national culture thrives; stepping away from the tourist traps and congestion.

All in all, I loved Hungary. I took quite a few Hungarian traits from my mother (round face, wide jaw, high cheek bones) and as a result many people thought I was a local. I've never had so many locals approach me assuming I lived there, spouting fast Hungarian to my slightly frightened blank face. Or even funnier, I'd get Americans or Brits approaching me speaking very slow and single-word english. It was very cool.

For now, I'm excited about going home. I've had a blast, but it's time. I'm excited to hit the ground running and find a job asap and start really searching for an apartment. I've got alot to accomplish when I get back, but for now, I'm going to grab a bite before I board. :-)

Australian doctors warn against 'designer vagina' craze